Snapping

 I hate myself when I snap to Caroline, it does not feel good. The guilt will last for days. During this pandemic, my patience has always been tested. I used to work part time and meet up with people regularly but because of the pandemic, life has turn to a 365 degree change. It was not easy and never easy. And hence I developed depression, a depression where I cannot relate to anyone because they will say you are crazy, or mental tidak kuat. 

So here is the thing...I have depression sebelum ada pandemic. Depression because people want me to be a perfect daughter...wife... and bla bla... non stop tuntutan (dlm bahasa bule...expectation)..till today people close to me are still doing that...selalu EXPECTATION...

Kalo ngaku depression di bilang lebay...cari perhatian...playing victim.

When I am at my lowest point of my life I always turn to God. Seeking forgiveness if I snap to my children and husband.

But dear Caroline, Mama always wants you to learn how to be more responsible about your life. You have been given the best thing in life from Papa and Mama. We never expect you to become a champion, but we expect you to do your best in everything. Tidak perlu jadi juara 1...tapi kamu sudah berusaha (do your best)

 

Sorry for Snapping and Love Mama 

World War? (or war againts humanity)

 

 

 

World war on Russian againts Ukraine has been all the news the whole day. Everyone has been condeming Putin. One of the reason why I write blog is because I want to say how I feel. 

I am not supporting Putin, nor supporting the current media who are reporting about how Russia is a tyranny. How does western media report the news when the American troops tried to invade the middle east countries? They will said is to save the countries from the terrorists. Well to me it is still a war. At the end of the day, it's all about the ego of the leaders of the world. 

I condemn Putin for sure because "heloww...the world as ONE is still trying to handle the covid situation" yet why he as a "competent" leader yet still sacrifice his own country and other innocent civilians just so to ensure he secure his power. But do I think the current media is covering a fair report? Of course No.

The current world right now are getting crazier, when technology are getting far more advanced. These are the time where I missed my simple childhood. The days there are no whatsapp, no netflix, no instagram, no facebook, no any other kind of social media. 

Truthfully, during this pandemic I am so hooked into IG, because of my curiosity and then becoming to comparing, and then got tired of that, and then now IG is a platform for me to browse where to source for good food or online shopping. And yes over the years, the couples whom I thought are happy or role model couple ended up divorcing so whatever reasons it were but it kind of shocked me. 

So I ended up asking while watching CNN (yes my fav news channel, when I actually I know they are quite bias)... the smartness people on earth are the one trying to to give human an easier life (not better one in my personal opinion) yet now creating havoc, creating wars, developing new viruses, destroying the nature, and then trying to develop vaccines, advance weapons, a more "attractive" social platform (which I find it toxic for the younger generations). 

The current world are getting more divided. It used to based on racism, on gender, on wealth/status, reputations, your view on your political parties, and now whether you are fully vaccinated (and how many booster did you get).

I have 2 daughters and so yea I am very worried how are they going to grow up with the "new normal" upon covid and war upon technology and politics?

Toxic

 

I learnt the word TOXIC relationship after years of marriage with Alvin. I am not saying that we have a toxic relationship, but then I realized there are people around me that are invested in toxic relationship, well of course, with the spouse. And it's usually the wife who cannot let go of the relationship, even though she knows she is being hurt, betrayed and sometimes physically and verbally abused.

Ever watch an Indonesian drama titled "Layangan Putus"? It's basically a story about a man who cheated on his wife and yet he does not want to divorce his wife or let go of his affair. Basically he wants to have two wives. At the first the wife fight back for her marriage and still take good care of the husband even though the affair was carried out openly in front of her. While watching this drama, I was cursing and yet also blaming the wife for being too stupid. The wife described that her former relationship with the husband was like a kite : Husband influence her to choose to be a domestic wife instead of letting her continue her career as a doctor, and well controlling her life.One day, the wife realized that she is in a toxic relationship and that she decided to cut off the kite's string and let go of the marriage and choose happiness. 

I attended a ladies community seminar yesterday. Basically, the speaker shared her marriage journey with her husband who was not faithful. She said she kept praying for years for her husband to come back to the family, and yes till today they are still together, and I believe they are still facing some challenges in their marriage and family. But what she was trying to say was TO PRAY. Ehmm...I am not sure how that works though. If you are in marriage and your spouse is not faithful to you for years and openly carry out his/her unfaithfulness, do I think by praying will make me happier?  Of course I understand in this context, when you are married as a Christian, there is no such thing as divorce. 

I am a Christian believer, but if I know that I am in a toxic relationship that is hurting myself and my children, I will seriously consider of letting go the marriage. But of course, there will be a lot of consideration before one making such a big decision : CHILDREN. At the end, children will be the victims. So who should make the sacrifice? The one who is fighting for the marriage. 

I have two girls. One of the thing that I want to instill in them is find your happiness and have pride in yourself. Uda gak jaman nya dengar orang dulu ngomong nya "oww kalo uda married wajar sebagai istri tutup mata tentang kegiatan suami di luar. Jadi istri harus belajar banyak sabar, harus jadi istri pintar mengurus rumah dan anak dan melayani suami agar suami tidak selingkuh" Kalo dengar orang dulu memberi advice nya begini suka sebel. Because somehow you are teaching your own child seperti "slave"? Is that a right word to say? So what's the point of educating them. 

I have witnessed my own grandma who sacrificed so much for the family, and ended up living a very miserable life. Sampe sudah sakit-sakitan aja ngurusin diri sendiri. I felt bad for her. Karena di otak dia selalu mikir kalo emang dia harus berkorban. When in a marriage you felt you have to sacrifice it means TOXIC.

And yet in the modern days, there are still people I know that are undergoing such marriage. Yah like F said...antara kesal dengerin nya karena berasa suami nya sangat ketraluan ...but yg bego sebenarnya siapa? But of course, we are outsider. We know it is easier to judge rather putting yourself in their position. 

So I will pray for those who are in a toxic relationship to fight for YOUR OWN happiness. Ini bukan berarti egois. When you can learn to find your own happiness, only then you can LOVE unconditionally towards others.

I am back.....

Happy 2 Months old Baby C

When she was only 1 month old

2 months old

What she can do now :

• Smile
• She can see us now
• She drinks well and finish her milk in 25 mins (it used to be 45 mins)
• She sleeps very well
• She can react back to us
• She is 5.3kg now!! (everyone is amazed with her speed growth)

It's really nice to know when Baby C can smile back at us :)

And I am lucky to know she has a good nanny whom now I can trust her (even though she has only been with us for 2 weeks ; but my cue tells me she is the right one for Baby C)

3 more weeks and I am done with my maternity leave :( I wish I have another 3 more months. Not ready to commute back and fro jakarta-bandung yet.

Motherhood

Totally enjoying every bit of my maternity leave :)

Didn't expect that I can get used to the new life easily too..

42 things that change when u have a baby

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. [See a reader's perspective in #22, below.]

3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.

4. You respect your body ... finally.

5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.

6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child.

8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago.

9. Your heart breaks much more easily.

10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.

11. Every day is a surprise.

12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

14. You become a morning person.

15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

And from our readers...

1. "You discover how much there is to say about one tooth." — Ashley's mom

2. "You finally realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth." — Anonymous

3. "You now know where the sun comes from." — Charlotte

4. "You'd rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that you've been dying to have." — Sophie's mom

5. "You realize that although sticky, lollipops have magical powers." — Roxanne

6. "You don't mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night." — Kellye

7. "Silence? What's that?" — Anonymous

8. "You realize that the 15 pounds you can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having." — Brenda

9. "You discover an inner strength you never thought you had." — Ronin and Brookie's mom

10. "You no longer rely on a clock — your baby now sets your schedule." — Thomas' mom

11. "You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one." — Jaidyn's mom

12. "Your dog — who used to be your 'baby' — becomes just a dog." — Kara

[Many readers begged to differ, saying things like, " I disagree with number 12. My dogs are my additional children," "Nothing about previous babies, whether two- or four-legged, changes when a new miracle comes along," "My dog will never be 'just a dog," and "This is sad to me. My dog is still my baby too."]

13. "You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you'll be late." — Tracey

14. "You learn that taking a shower is a luxury." — Jayden's mom

15. "You realize that you can love a complete stranger." — Dezarae's mom

16. You find yourself wanting to make this world a better place. — Arizona

17. If you didn’t believe in love at first sight before, now you do! — Ciara

18. You start to appreciate Sesame Street for its intellectual contribution. — Anon.

19. You have to quit watching the news because you see every story from a mother's perspective and it breaks your heart. — Brooke&Boys

20. You just plain love life more - everything comes together and becomes better because of one tiny person and your love for them. — Anon.

21. You finally find out the real reason you have those breasts. — Anon.

22. In response to #2 [above], I'd say that where you were once afraid, you're now fearless. I was always very timid and shy and let myself get walked all over … but now where my kid's concerned, I'll speak my mind and really connect with my inner "b"! — gummismom

23. The support you get from other people surprises you, because the people giving it are not always the ones you'd expect. — japanese_macaque

24. Nothing is just yours any longer. You share EVERYTHING! — DylanLsMom

25. No matter what you've accomplished in life, you look at your child and think, "I've done a GREAT job!" — Anon.

26. You want to take better care of yourself for your child. — Treasor

27. You can have the most wonderful conversation using only vowel sounds like "ahhh" and "oooo." — littlehulk2008

Dilemma

In big dilemma on being a working mother. Daughter will be in Bandung, while I need to work in Tangerang (Tangerang - Bandung is 4-5 hours drive).

Helpers shortage!!

Hari Raya holiday is coming to an end soon. For a housewife and mom like me is a nightmare because as recently there is a shortage for nannies and maids. It's not happening to me only, but also to a few friends of mine. Peeking over their blackberry status, Facebook status, they are all complaining the same thing.

A close friend declares that the war on looking for nannies will begin next week. Sounds scary? It is indeed a battlefield and it's not easy to find a good nanny. The good ones are usually taken fast or their previous owner won't let them go by increasing their pay. Some friends even have strategies to get their choice of nanny. I believe this kind of situation only happens in Indonesia. We are so used to have helpers in the house to do everything, and now we are so dependable of having helpers to take care of a child. Pampered? Absolutely however Unavoidable.

As for me, I haven't got one either. I don't have any strategies like them. Am I scared and worried? Well a bit, the fact I really need to get one before I can go back to work. But on the other hand I am learning to take care of the baby by my own, in case I didn't get any nanny at all!

Confinement Lady

Caroline and Auntie Ah Mei

Yea!! finally I got a green light from the doctor to go fly back home. Life is too bored here. I am so used with my busy life before that I often dazed around when there is nothing to do. (beside helping my confinement lady around).

I am so blessed that I have a good, kind and helpful confinement lady. Her name is Auntie Ah Mei. Beside helping me taking care of the baby (that includes bathing, feeding, and accompanying Caroline sleep), she cooks for me too. And most of the time, she is the one who accompany when I am bored. She tells me stories of her working experience, teaching me how to take care of Caroline, but I think I depend her too much. She is going to stay with till early October, and after that I need to find a nanny to take care of Caroline; knowing that it is not an easy task anymore to find a good nanny in Indonesia, I was hoping Auntie Ah Mei will keep staying with us until Caroline gets older.

In case still wondering what exactly a confinement lady does...I got some information about confinement from a website..so here it goes:

Many ethnic Chinese women in Malaysia hire a pui yuet (literally "companion for the month" in Cantonese) to help out in the postnatal period immediately after birth. Also known as a confinement nanny or confinement lady, a pui yuet is usually an older woman experienced in caring for the special needs of a new mum and newborn baby according to the traditional confinement practices of the Chinese. Usually, she is an acknowledged expert in Chinese postnatal practices.

Although some women find confinement nannies or confinement ladies to be old-fashioned in their approach to the dos and don'ts of the postnatal period, they can be particularly helpful to a first-time mum who may not be familiar with various aspects ofcaring for a newborn baby.

What will she do?

Traditionally, the pui yuet's duties include:

• Bathing baby daily.

• Feeding baby (once breastfeeding is well-established, you can express breastmilk so that she can take over one or more night feeds).

• Generally caring for the baby so that the new mother can rest.

• Cook special confinement dishes such as traditional chicken soup which are considered extra-nutritious. In smaller households (especially if it is just you and your husband), it is not unreasonable to ask the pui yuet to cook all the regular meals.

• Wash the baby and the new mother's clothes (if you prefer to just toss everything into the machine, that is acceptable too).

Few confinement ladies or confinement nannies these days are expected to do other household chores - though they should always clean up the kitchen and dishes after meals. The older and more traditional ladies will be used to doing some light housework.